It's been a year now since Butter Love closed. I'm not going to lie, I miss it somethin' fierce. It's easy after a year to remember all the good things about running your own business and slowly forget all the difficulties involved. One of the challenges I'm facing is working for other people. After 8 years of working for myself it feels weird. Not bad just strange.

I guess one good thing is that I was able to get work right away and for decent people and wages. But something is missing. I'm a creative person that craves a challenge and freedom and while I'm a model employee who is dedicated and hard working it's a bit boring for me to be reigned in. On the other hand stress wise life has been so much more serene. When I leave work, I leave work.

I'm picking my kids up after school everyday this year so far. We just had one of the best summers we have ever experienced together. There is time. Don't get me wrong, life as a parent means you are always struggling for enough time. It's a continual war the will never really see a cease fire. There will always be laundry. There will always be dishes. There will always be children bickering and fighting about things as an adult seem so inconsequential but to a child is the end of the world. For instance, my son's heart was mortally wounded by the fact that my daughter has decided to save up her own money to buy herself a German wheel, you know those huge hamster type wheels used by circus performers to do beautifully impossible feats. She claims she will not share and he is not allowed to touch it because she will be buying it with her own money. He has spent two days asking and begging me to make her share her German wheel. She's not getting a German wheel! Two days lost. The battle with time is real.

When I owned my business I worked all the time. 6 days officially but I still had little bits of things that needed tending daily. This time has been aliviated. So where is the balance? This blog was originally started to document the things in life that I need both personally, for my family, and my career. This balance is such an elusive creature that many if not all of us struggle to find. I truly believe it exists. I often say to people when they find out that both my husband and I are native San Franciscans, that we are unicorns, we do exist! This balance, this craving to be both good to my family and to feed my creative soul and be able to be financially stable all at once, this is my own personal unicorn.

So, while I miss the BLB pies and the Lovers that followed them, I'm sad to say that right now it doesn't look good for a reopening. With the economy the way it is in SF and the competitive nature of the food industry I'm not sure I can make it happen. It's still a goal. It still lingers in my mind and heart. I haven't deleted it from my list of things to do. It's in storage for now. Like those photos from high school or the love letters written back and forth from my now husband. They are in a box in the closet awaiting a time to be revisited. Now, the big question is what do I do in the in between time? Where should I filter my creative energy? This is a question I feel will be answered very soon. Stay tuned.